The Many Roles of Grandparents
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I guess it is just the cycle of life I am in, but I am beginning to have lots of friends who are or soon will be grandparents. I had not really thought about the whole grand parenting role until recently when our office had a “grandbaby shower” for one of my co-workers.
The “grandbaby shower” was held one day after work. Mostly our female staff had planned it as a surprise and decorated the conference room just like a regular baby shower. The grandmother to be had no idea we had been planning this and was humbly shocked and excited when she walked into the room. We gave her diapers, books, a disposable camera and other baby stuff. I think the “grandbaby shower” served as a great way of honoring her new role.
Hearing about my friends’ grand parenting experience has been a reminder of what the role entails. Some grandparents live close enough to see their grandchildren often and on occasion keep them for short visits. Others live further away and visit or have their grandparents visit them on special occasions or for events. All of these roles seem to be very rewarding and pleasurable. There are however grandparent roles, although loving and special which can sometimes be a bit more complicated.
My old college roommate elaborated to me this past weekend her current role of “rescue” as a grandmother. Her son and his wife have two small children. The wife stays home, because of the high cost of child care. The husband travels quite a bit with his job. Recently one of their sons had been diagnosed with autism and the young mother was having difficulty in understanding and dealing with her son’s condition. Life is even more complicated by the fact that they live 3 hours away from any family members.
My friend took a day off from her work to go with her daughter in law and her grandson to hear the doctor’s suggestions for treatment. When she arrived at her son’s home she found out that the young family had some outstanding bills and no money for food, because of a recent change in their payroll plan at work. So my friend put gas in their car, paid a doctor bill and bought them food for the weekend. This is just one of many times she has had to bail them out and help them with their children and their care. Although she doesn’t blame the grandchildren, she is burdened with worry about their well being and the uncertainty of when they will need assistance again.
A more extreme case of grandparent “rescue” which is becoming more prevalent is the actual raising of grandchildren by their grandparent. There are many reasons for this. Several being the parents of the children are either in prison, have substance abuse or financial issues or in some cases just don’t have the maturity level to care for their own children.
I recently met a grandmother who was caring for her five year old grandson and looking after her mother who has Alzheimer. I asked her how she managed, she simply said “I have no choice, and even though it is difficult at times, I believe they (my grandson and mother) both benefit from being around each other.” For those grandparents who are raising their grandchildren, community support and resources are needed to help them to do their job.
Traditionally grandparents have played vital roles in helping strengthen families through nurturing, sharing traditions and being there for young families. They continue to do this and so much more. If you are a grandparent in any of these roles, you are fulfilling a much needed role in today’s families.
Submitted by Karen M. Wicker
Area Family and Consumer Sciences, Extension Agent
Moore and Montgomery Counties